did you buy hand phones for your children?

[Saudade]

I have a child 12 years old, she just started SMP and a few days ago they didn't have a formal class and in the evening when we were talking at home about the school, classmates and classes, she told me that she is very jealous because all her friends at the class seems has hand phones and she doesn't.
We tried to explain to her we think is not necessary for her to have a hand phone. I guess the hand phones are not allow to use at the classes but I wonder on the breaks or before to get to the class or after the class, the point is everybody seems to have one apart from her.
I told her that I think is terrible children use a hand phone just for making selfish, photos or playing games instead to socialize and talk to the people or the other children have around.
I don't see necessary she should have one hand phone, what for?
I went to a wedding ceremony and it made me sick to see everybody on the tables having lunch and after the lunch in tables with 4 or more people everybody was with their hand phones on their hands or doing selfish, instead to talk each other , have contact or to have fun with another humans.
I told to my child I would love to see the children playing the traditional games we used to play when we were small, jump rope, jump the rubber (I don't know how you say this one in English, I used to love it), there was so many funny games always around running after each other, they were all so funny, sporty and healthy, we learned to play on a team, we learned to lose, the satisfaction of win, fellowship, we learned to made deals and to respect or have social skills, I remember tens of games, really good ones and we never stopped to play because all of us loved them, these games probably will disappear soon, we had a lot creativity to make new games all the time and the most of the time of course was not much necessary apart from our own bodies or sometimes one ball.
My cousin from Europe came on holiday to visit us with his daughter who is 17 years old and she was with her hand phone all the time on her hands, I am not sure why, maybe checking twitter, facebook, instagram, email, whatassap, pinterest.......? what else? she didn't talk too much or follow conversations the most of the time.
For you who has older children when did you buy their first hand phone? for you who have children ages 12 or less did you buy them hand phones already.
Even to make a photo is not that exciting these days any more at least for me, we have 3000 plus photos on our hand phones and we don't really see them or share them, I realise I am doing less and less photos when I travel, maybe I am too old already, beside sometimes I made many similar photos and after I don't delete any of them or I am not able to choose which delete or have time or mood to do it.
Is people loosing social skills spending that much time on phones? loosing how to write properly? became more individualism?
When do you consider necessary to buy a hand phone to your children? and why? How old where your children when you bough a hand phone for them and why?

 

[Saudade]

By the way, she was invite to go to a birthday party as well a few months before to finish the class 6, and I saw it with my eyes the 80% of the children came to the party with hand phones in their hands and were making photos one after another or with the hand phones on their hands, again this kind of image make me sick to be honest, and some of the phones really good ones.

 

[Anglian]

I'm afraid it's an addiction, sadly I feel you may end buying your kids a hand phone , sofar my grand kids don't have handphone, my son just ignores his most of the time, but my daughter in law, a school teacher is addicted, last January when visiting I took my handphone out at the table, she told me quite severely as only a teacher can, that handphones aren't allowed at the table, sadly this July on my visit, she sat at the table fiddling with her phone, I mentioned it, my son informs me she is now addicted, a modern day curse, as a handphone addict I have no idea what the cure is other than breaking all my fingers, so how long you are able to get away with not buying a handphone is definitely a problem for you, my sympathies

 

[Puspawarna]

You sound like a great parent to me. And I sympathize with your feelings. Also, the research seems to indicate that too much time spent with "smart" phones is changing the way young people think - maybe not in a good way.

Having said that, I can't imagine not wanting my child to have a simple hand phone (maybe not an expensive smart phone, but something) by the time they are old enough to be on their own sometimes. In today's world, everything we do assumes that we can contact each other at almost any time. (An example: 20 or 30 years ago, I would DEFINITELY stop if I saw a motorist in distress on the side of the highway, to ask if I could help. Today, I think "oh, they have a hand phone and can call friends, police, tow trucks, mechanics, or whatever they need.") Isn't your child safer if she can reach you, and you can reach her, at any time?

Also, possession of a hand phone is one way to teach responsibility. When our son got his first phone, we made it clear that if he lost it, HE would pay (at least in part) for a replacement.

And finally, forcing your child to be the one who is "different" may not be a good thing. When I was childless, strangely enough I knew more about parenting than I do now. One of the many things I knew was that the violence in the Star Wars franchise was very bad for children and they should not be allowed to watch those movies until they were at least 16. So imagine my utter shock when my sister-in-law - a person I had, and still have, enormous respect for - told me that she was allowing her 11-year-old son to watch whatever Star Wars movie was being released at the time!!!! I was horrified. She explained to me that she did not want her son to be "that kid" -- the only one among his friends whose parents were being such hard-asses that he could not even participate properly in his peers' social life.

I'm not sure, but I think that having a handphone may be today's equivalent of letting your child watch the movie that 99% of his or hers peers get to see. No one wants their child to be a mindless cheerleader for whatever their peers like. It is absolutely essential that kids learn to withstand peer pressure and think for themselves. But if you don't want your kid to be a freak - and if you want THEM to learn how to behave responsibly, not make all the decisions for them - then I think you probably ought to let your kid have a basic hand phone.

You can still set rules: If you lose it, you pay for a replacement! You can't use it until you finish your homework. You can't take it to bed with you. If the family is going on a special outing together, the hp stays home. And so on.

 

[Davita]

I'm overwhelmed by the quality of this thread.
Is it possible for mods to expand the OP's title into a more comprehensive forum title about bringing up children, especially with respect to being an expat?
I'll leave it to the boffins but obviously there is a great opportunity for enabling fellowship by having a unique thread about expat children's activity, within the forum, outside of general chat.

 

[waarmstrong]

I have a child 12 years old ...
Is [are] people loosing [losing] social skills spending that much time on phones? loosing [Losing] how to write properly? became [Become] more individualism?
When do you consider necessary to buy a hand phone to your children? and why? How old where your children when you bough[t] a hand phone for them and why?

This thread starter ends as if it is an inquiry. It's not. With a long list of negatives, it strikes me as a search for confirmation of a decision already made. My idea of responsible parenting includes educating offspring in the functions, capabilities and uses of current technology. Parents uncomfortable with technology might begin by educating themselves, including the enlisting of professionals conversant with the parental control apps and their features.

Internet capable phones, tablets and small laptops are wondrous tools. They are, of course like any tool, subject to abuse, inappropriate uses and adverse consequences. Denying access will, in my opinion, only magnify the probability of abuse once a child gains access. Even though children do not have a devices, while friends do, I suspect they are already users and immersed in on-line world.

When a preteen ask for a smartphone, get them one. One with the parental controls and limits with which the parent is comfortable, and along with education and training for both the parent, where needed, and new user.

 

[steveandpenny]

I just got a new phone for my grandson ...he will be born the end of sept.

Im only kidding but its only a problem for us old people. Weather its good or bad doesn't really matter ...it is where society is going. Its a shame to me seeing all that kids are missing now, but the same was said about cars (why do you need a car if you have 2 good feet) or the radio where famliy would spend hrs around the radio instead of spending time with people or tv which you plopped down in front of for quality famliy time.

You can't put the genie back in the bottle. So by fighting a losing battle which will turn your young ones into social cripples , it's time to just accept what is to be.

I still smile when I see local kids with a stick and a tire , running down the street in our village but ask myself will they be ready for the ugly real world. I don't know.

 

[Bad_azz]

I think you should get your child a phone, for many of the reasons already outlined- but mainly because if you are hard assed (to borrow Puspas words) parents your child will eventually either go underground & get her own- or use her friends.
Best to get one whilst you still have the illusion of having some control & get a smartphone- with all the bells & whistles on & get your daughter on board by learning it together- look at the app stores together & see what cool gadgets there are etc.
If you have been strict up to now about it she will comply wonderfully out of shock & pleasure most likely & working together on it will enhance your bond.
As an example - tell her you love her & fear for her online safety- ask her to show you how she stays safe , ask her for ideas & tips for staying safe- teach her well by YOU becoming the student. (Even if you already know this stuff, play it down so that she feels confident & comfortable working with you- sure is easier than having a teen working against you in a year or two)

Even by embracing the technology you can have discussions about the negatives , such as the potential for addiction & the fact that it interferes with face to face social skills- acknowledge that it can also add to life immensely too.

I have a smartphone & I use it for taking pics & business & social networking, I use it for the alrarm clock, the timer for cooking, the translations/dictionary, the calculator, banking & taking notes. It does not have to be an addiction- I leave it in my bag if out to dinner & when I am commuting (I use the commute to read or sleep- downtime for me)
I tend to keep it on silent at bedtime - & look on the brightside, it is probably cheaper & easier to deal with than a puppy or a pony.

 

[steveandpenny]

Oh wait I want a pony too !

 

[gemima]

I don' t have kids - so can of course can offer perfect parental advice (joking!)
The world has changed considerably and nowadays a lot of "socializing" is done on phones/ computers.
Learning skills regarding socializing online might be as important as the skills we learned socailizing in person when we were children. Last night my 8 yr old niece surprised me with a skype call after she finished school from her mothers (my sisters) tablet. No-one showed her how to do that, she called me completely independently (dad is a total technophobe and mum was in work). I'm choosing to see the positive aspect that she has learned to use this tablet to socialize with me from 12,000 km away and honestly I was very touched by her call!

 

[atlantis]

My kids have smart phones since they are in SD. Not top range, mid range.

They have been given a budget for Christmas or birthday and told to choose what they wanted. Unsurprisingly they've all asked for smartphones/tablets.

Lisa, my daughter who is in SD, must leave her tablet home and can only use it when back home, after that PR is done and checked.

Theo, my son who is in SMP has the right to bring it to school which is essential since most of the time he has to organize his and his sister's way back home with Go-car.