Muslim marriage for foreigners - cultural question

[snpark]

I remember another member went down the SG route but you have to stay there for 30 days or something

And another member a woman if I recall did it in Bangkok
But it's a lot different these days

 

[Helpful Herbert]

I remember another member went down the SG route but you have to stay there for 30 days or something

And another member a woman if I recall did it in Bangkok
But it's a lot different these days

I did it in Bangkok (followed by registration at catsip) but that was 2012, no idea if it is possible anymore. But since the op seems to be okay with converting, then he might as well do that since it is easier and cheaper.

 

[Helpful Herbert]

...or that she converts to Christianity and we get married that way.

This sentence makes me think that everything will be fine. To even have entertained this option she must have already escaped the childhood indoctrination that she had. Also, the fact that the parents have some money and the eldest siblings also seem to have good jobs is very positive.

Hope it goes well for you, and please let us know how it turns out.

 

[DerKauz]

Eh I think you got it the other way around. Bekasi has a rather bad name and is joked about often. Outside of Jakarta it is -besides some areas as Summarecon- considered relatively cheap. And districts as Kelapa Gading are very expensive. Prices are easily 20 juta per m2, only at the port it’s still rather cheap.

About marriage abroad and then registering it in RI;

Centurion is correct that it might have been rather complicated to do that especially if one of the partners is Muslim. The civil registry often refuses to register people who don’t have the same religion. For Muslims they think a KUA registration is a must. And unlike in the past, the judges were instructed to agree to that. Now if you and your spouse won’t live in Indonesia you could ask yourselves if it’s really absolutely necessary to register the marriage there.

Already for quite some years in Singapore it’s not so easy to marry anymore if you don’t live there. You need to stay a longer period in the country to be able to wed. There are alternatives of course.

Ah yes, I got it mixed up. I meant Menteng, not Bekasi. And in terms of North Jakarta, aren't neighborhoods like Cilincing and Penjaringan fairly low on economic factors?

This sentence makes me think that everything will be fine. To even have entertained this option she must have already escaped the childhood indoctrination that she had. Also, the fact that the parents have some money and the eldest siblings also seem to have good jobs is very positive.

Hope it goes well for you, and please let us know how it turns out.

My fiancee is the highest earner of the siblings though, she just had the best grades and made it into great SMA and uni. The rest of the family is just not poor, not rich / middle class-ish.

Yes, I will continue to tell the story here. Basically the plan is
1. Fake it to her parents; if anything goes wrong:
-> 2. Civil marriage in Germany, then get it recognized in Indonesia (which from my research is still possible) and deal with her family fallout. If anything goes wrong:
-> 3. Convert her to Protestant, get married like that (the least favorite solution for us and her family will be massively pissed).

We don't want to skip marriage in Indonesia so that I can get the spousal KITAS and get rid of the remote worker visa. She already said she wants to marry, with or without her parents depends on her families behavior, though she wants to keep relations with them if possible (understandable), so that's why we will go the faking it route first and hope everything goes well with that.

 

[merahputih]

We don't want to skip marriage in Indonesia so that I can get the spousal KITAS and get rid of the remote worker visa.

Not related to your question but just in case you missed it, spousal KITAS grants you different benefits and limit work you may do than company sponsores KITAS or remote working KITAS.

 

[Helpful Herbert]

Not related to your question but just in case you missed it, spousal KITAS grants you different benefits and limit work you may do than company sponsores KITAS or remote working KITAS.

You can get a full work permit with a spousal residence visa.

 

[Helpful Herbert]

1. Fake it to her parents; if anything goes wrong:
-> 2. Civil marriage in Germany, then get it recognized in Indonesia (which from my research is still possible) and deal with her family fallout. If anything goes wrong:
-> 3. Convert her to Protestant, get married like that (the least favorite solution for us and her family will be massively pissed).

If the family meeting isn't going so well you can sing them this song ...

 

[Balifrog]

If the family meeting isn't going so well you can sing them this song ...

I have done 3 "family meetings", different countries, different cultures.
Never had a problem, simply made the rules clear from day one.
If anybody would have argued the answer was simple "the big brown thing over there, it's called the door"
And if any had expexted me to pay for the things mentionned in a previous post (now deleted) I would have laughed my ass off !
WTH, marrying at 32 ?
I married (once) at 40 and even that was too young.....

 

[Jaime C]

Badazz posted a great thread on marrying in Bangkok, I think on the competing forum.

We went the same route a year or so later, and it wasn’t too bad. I had Googled some bad info about divorce/remarriage before our kid was delivered. Should have gotten married before birth. Had to go through a lot of lawyer steps later on to get the kids birth certificate with both names on it.

 

[Balifrog]

Should have gotten married before birth

When marying a foreigner it is a good idea.
Only reason I married my ex Thai wife.
3 kids, all French orientated. Never been in any temple.

 

[pantaiema]

This is ultimately a decision that only you and your fiancée can make.

As I understand it, you are willing to convert to Islam as a compromise. Converting on paper only, and you have set up a boundary, no circumcision, no praying 5 times per day, no ban to drinking alcohol, and you said she agrees with you. What about eating pork (Frankfurter, Wiener Schnitzel, babi guling, Spanferkel, Schweinshaxe, Schwenkbraten, bacon, as well (?). If this is also forbidden then you should avoid going to Octoberfest or Love Parade in Berlin as there will be a lot of temptation.

Now there is an additional expectation for her family that you undergo circumcision before the marriage, and that is a step break your boundary, you have set up.

If that is the case, be honest with your fiancée and remind her where your boundary is. Then the two of you can decide whether you are both comfortable moving forward together.

Ultimately, she doesn't need her parents' consent to get married. If the two of you are committed to each other and have reached a mutual understanding, you can take the next step together, even without her parent's approval. Be aware then even you marry abroad, one of you need to convert, to avoid the potential problem that your marriage can not be registered in the civil registry (dukcapil) in Indonesia.

If you break the boundary you yourself have set up then it is likely a start of slippery slope.

Also, be careful to distinguish between facts and assumptions so you don't fall into the so-called "self-bias effect."

In one post, you wrote:
'my fiancee is way younger than all her other siblings and every sibling gives them 3 juta per month as support'

But in another post, you said:
'My fiancee is the highest earner of the siblings though, she just had the best grades and made it into great SMA and uni. The rest of the family is just not poor, not rich / middle class-ish'

Those two claims appear inconsistent and don't seem to fit together, do they ?

One reason many foreigners are cautious about situations like this is that they don't want to end up in circumstances similar to that German man whose video was shared on this forum previously. That's why it's important to verify the facts and keep an objective perspective before making major life decisions.